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age unknown · male
Now accepting applications for a full-time human to fill the following open positions: caregiver, best friend, personal chef, and part-time furniture. Ivan is a handsome, golden-eyed gentleman with excellent loaf form and a gaze that suggests he has read your diary. He knows what he likes and what he likes is quality. His standards are high, his opinions are firm, and his judgment is, well~ongoing. He is a picky connoisseur, especially when it comes to food and companionship, but once you pass the interview process, you are in. In exchange for your services, Ivan offers: • Motorboat-level purrs • Expert cuddling sessions (scheduled at his discretion) • Loyal companionship and quiet moral support • A warm presence that makes a house feel like home Ivan would thrive with someone patient, attentive, and willing to accept constructive feedback delivered via slow blinks and pointed stares. He tolerant of but not impressed by chaos. He deeply appreciates consistency, respect, and snacks prepared correctly. If you are seeking a relationship built on trust, routine, and mutual admiration and you are ready to be chosen, not the chooser, Ivan may be your cat. Apply today. Ivan is watching.
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